In Order of Appearance

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Agents in Black

The Agents in Black are one of two government bodies which seem to be competing for… prestige? Power? Influence? It is unclear. The two agents featured in the first strip have since made numerous other appearances, as have their fellows. The primary objective of this agency is simply “To Obfuscate,” in aid of which they have developed a host of supernatural-seeming techniques.

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Digby

Digby, as he is known on Earth, is an extraterrestrial who has become crippled by means as yet unclear. He is missing both of his legs above the knee, his left arm at the shoulder, and nearly the entire left-hemisphere of his skull and brain. He and Gus have been nearly inseparable since the very start of the story, and while it was initially believed that Digby had lost his race’s ability to perform magical feats, this notion has since been dispelled. His most frequent “trick” is to teleport himself and others, whether merely across the street or across the globe.

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Gus

Little is known of Gus save for his appetites. He spends his days in the company of the crippled alien, Digby, much as a caretaker might. Together, they swill wine (produced endlessly from Gus’s jacket), take strolls about town, and solicit for donations. If there is one thing on Earth dearer to Gus than his companion and his drink, then it is the image of woman. One of his favorite spots to stop and sit is outside of the public library, as brainy women are Gus’s favorite variety. It has been revealed that at one point Gus held a job, as a member of the rival Agency to those who wear black.

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Henry “Hank” Faix

Everything about Hank Faix is extremely large: his net worth, his house, his ego, his waistline, etc. If you give him half the chance, he will be only too glad to bend your ear about how he had to build everything from the ground-up. He is fiercely proud of his heritage, and terrifyingly protective of the things that are near and dear to him. Unfortunately, his pride is probably at the top of that list. Compared with the previous three characters we’ve looked at, Hank is refreshingly up-front, caring little to keep anything private. His diamond suit was given to him by the government, along with the title of State Hero, as he publicly dispatched the State Nemesis, Milo, some years ago. The diamond suit is said to make him virtually indestructible. Among Hank’s many assets is the NEWS® television network, which (you guessed it) broadcasts “news” 24 hours a day.

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Azita Faix

Azita is wife to Hank – in fact, if such a thing can be said about two people so cruel, Azita and Hank are soulmates. She loves nothing better than to abuse the help wherever and whenever she has the chance. All she needs is the slightest reason to seek hellish (and often creative) retribution. The only exception to this rule is the woman who Azita and Hank personally employ. After all, cruelty does not necessitate stupidity.

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Connie (Agent 20)

As housekeeper, personal assistant, cook, nanny, and general trouble-shooter, Connie runs the Faix household. And keeping up with the Faixs is no stress-free task. Anyone willing to put up with all the myriad forms of mayhem encompassing such people is either beatifically dedicated, superbly well-paid, running from a fate much worse, or possessed of a need to be as close as possible to the affairs of one of the richest men on the planet – and this last scenario seems to be the case. Connie has been revealed as a member of the Agency which rivals the Agents in Black, and in this capacity she was, to some extent, a former colleague to Gus.

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Cleopatra “Cleo” Faix

Have you ever met a child so spoiled, self-centered, wasteful and rotten that you stopped and thought “how could any parent let this happen”? Cleo has the mentality at five that many of our worst tabloid train-wrecks have at thirty-five. Luckily, she’s still just a kid, and to an extent this type of behavior is acceptable. At least Hank and Azita don’t expect the public schools to deal with her. For now, that’s Connie’s job. And around Connie, Cleo couldn’t be more well-behaved.

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Maurice, the Waiter

A young man who once worked at a local French restaurant, Maurice had the misfortune to mispronounce “Faix”. He’s lucky that he wasn’t hanged on the spot. Or is he? After that episode, he was one of the persons singled-out for punishment when Hank decided it was time to “get even” with the world. The beating put him in the hospital for months and, when he got out and decided to pursue volunteer work in Tunisia, Maurice ran afoul of Hank yet again. This time though, he’s in the hands of a very different type of surgeon.

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Skylar

Skylar and his buddy Logan unwittingly had a hand in creating Hank’s alter-ego. Later, they followed Maurice to Tunisia and shared his fate at the hands of Hank and the mercenaries in his employ. Though Maurice’s whereabouts may be currently unknown, Skylar has been paraded around the NEWS® stage, an unfortunate situation indeed.

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Logan

Logan and Skylar are best friends, and while they share the same opinions on nearly everything, will sometimes engage in spirited debate just for kicks. While putting this hobby to its intended use (i.e., trying to influence a stranger’s thinking about popular culture), they inadvertently got themselves put on Hank Faix’s shit-list. Logan is currently MIA after the recent events in Tunisia. While the NEWS® anchors are reporting a casualty among the three, it is unclear whether they mean Logan or Maurice.

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Dak, the Bartender

Dak owns and operates a bar which bears his name, and is in the worst section of the city. At the beginning of our story, Hank was a frequent patron at this establishment. However, after his altercation with the pavement (during his costumed misadventure), he finally pushed Dak to the point of kicking him out. Though it isn’t clear whether or not Dak intended that Hank shouldn’t return, that has been the result. In his absence, Dak’s Bar has flourished, and is now known for the martinis – and the exclusive customers.

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Candypants (Agent 88)

Agent 88 is among Digby’s handlers from his time in their custody. The Agents in Black claim that, when they discovered the alien, he was already missing his limbs and the section of his head. Believing him to be dead, they attempted to perform an autopsy – but he awoke just as they removed a small piece of his internal anatomy. It was discovered that this piece teleports wherever and whenever the alien does, and partially due to their brief romantic involvement, Candy has been entrusted with this artifact, along with the mission to keep tabs on Digby and his actions.

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Dick Creamer

Dick is one of three core anchors, or personalities, to appear daily on Hank Faix’s NEWS® network. These men are taught to value only two things: to report without question whatever item is handed to them, and to smile constantly.

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James Tiggerman

James often shares the NEWS® desk with Dick, though occasionally he also acts as a field correspondent. He is best known for being shot in the nuts with a stun gun, courtesy of Azita Faix.

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Stan Tanna

Stan is the third and best-loved of the NEWS® anchors. Hosting his own segment, The Stan Tanna Sexy Hour, he somehow occupies the lofty position of television’s most desirable male. Hank Faix firmly believes that the success of his NEWS® network is due to the charms of the anchors he employs, which in part explains the tagline which serves as the unifying principle of his anchors – “Makin’ the NEWS® sexy.”

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The Old Man

Is the world of Angst & Ennui similar to the “real” world, complete with the American political system and a president who serves in four-year terms? Good question! If it is, then this guy is probably that president. And if it isn’t, then he is somehow otherwise in charge. He is directly invested in the success or failure of certain plans, which seem to involve many of our most frequent characters – Hank, Gus, and Digby included.

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Head Agent in Black

Every agency has a top dog, and for the Agents in Black, this guy is it. His motives are unclear, which is only befitting of a man sitting at the top of an organization meant “To Obfuscate.”

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Art

Art is the head of the rival agency, and superior to Connie. Their mission? “To Infiltrate.”

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Zigzag, the Stoned Monkey

Zigzag is a genetically-altered primate, given many human qualities, both physical and mental, and a mild psychological addiction to marijuana. He was created – by all accounts, hastily – in an attempt to create a scapegoat for Hank Faix’s vigilante-type behavior. Zigzag became fast friends with Gus and Digby, and the government is now working hard to try and establish a stoned, goofy monkey as a threat – the new State Nemesis, if you will.

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Elmer Fudge, the Monkey Hunter

Once the bounty on The Stoned Monkey was made public knowledge, all sorts of characters started coming out of the woodwork. The earliest and most prominent was Elmer Fudge. Though he was initially successful in capturing Zigzag, the little mutant proved to be a little too smart for him, and Elmer wound-up in the hospital with grievous wounds. Now a cyborg, Elmer has an arsenal of anti-monkey hardware at his disposal. If only something could have been done to augment his cunning, Zig might actually be in trouble.

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Charles Brawn

Until recently, Charles commanded a small mercenary team, and Zigzag was their target. While his team remains committed to money, and so the mission, it appears that Chuck is having second thoughts.

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Petulant Patty

Patty was Chuck’s right-hand gal, but something has changed between them. Where once she was vocally opposed to the monkey-chase, it may be that she’s had a change of heart.

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Melvin

Melvin is the staff-wielding third member of Charles Brawn’s mercenary force, and a complete mystery.

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Miles, the Wino

The position of State Nemesis, though shrouded in secrecy, seems to have been a convenient and harmless way for the government to distract the masses from sensitive activities. Miles (“Milo”) was the longest-lived and most popular of all State Nemeses, until his untimely public death at the fists of Hank Faix. He is frequently remembered with fondness by thinking folks, and vilified by the NEWS® anchors.

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Doc

This mysterious surgeon somehow came into possession of Maurice’s comatose body after a savage beating at the hands of Hank Faix, Melvin, Elmer Fudge, Petulant Patty, and Charles Brawn. The extent of the surgery performed, and indeed, any real details concerning Doc, remain unclear.

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James# Clones

So far, we’ve met four clones: Jamesone, Jamestwo, Jamesthree, and Jamesfour. Well, we haven’t met Jamesthree, but I can assure you that he looks the same as the others. Collectively, these fellas are known as the Hive Butlers, as they were cloned from The Old Man’s favorite manservant.